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This time there’s been no loss of a long-time companion.  I’ve been eagerly anticipating this puppy for three years.  Everything going according to a plan first conceived when my Mojo was still by my side.  The connections between Uncle and Nephew finally coming full circle.  It feels just right.  It’s also been a reminder of how much has changed since then, stirring a mix of emotions that occasionally tips from excitement to grief.

Born August 23^rd, 2016, Mojo arrived home on October 18^th.  He came at the tail end of a 10-month period of time marred by overwhelming losses.  We had just said good-bye to our Nina (13) and Blitz (10).  Sandwiched between their deaths was a series of tragic family events that left my life virtually unrecognizable from anything I had known or imagined it could be.  They were DARK days that I survived thanks to an amazing husband, friends, family.  And my Mojo.  His unwavering love and beautiful companionship a cornerstone of my recovery.

He was everything I had ever wanted in a dog.  Think Golden Retriever in a floppy-eared German Shepherd body.  When just a few months old, I reserved a puppy from his litter-mate’s breeding.  Still a puppy herself, Fury wouldn’t be bred for three years – in 2019.  We planned on naming his future nephew, Voodoo.

Everything changed on October 4, 2017.  At 13 months, Mojo suddenly passed away from a twisted colon.  All of my four-legged companions were gone.  Until then, I had never taken a breath without a dog in my life.  My husband and hero, set aside his own grief, and within 36 hours found a breeder with puppies available in two weeks.  Born August 23^rd, 2017, he arrived home on October 18^th.  We named him, Voodoo.

Mojo was supposed to be a demo dog for an out-of-town speaker, Laura Monaco Torelli. Instead it was Voodoo, on his 2nd day home, looking bright-eyed and happy next to his bleary-eyed mamma wearing a shirt that says, “My therapist works for kibble.” Indeed!

At the beginning, there were days shadowed by grief.  There were times it was difficult to re-energize and re-start all the puppy training that I had just finished with Mojo.  Sometimes my motto just had to be, “Fake it ‘til I make it.”  It’s been almost two years since those days.  Voodoo’s the most adorable, loving, playful, and social dog. That’s not just his proud parent speaking, most who meet him make the same comments.  Yes, he is.  And that makes his mamma happy.  I don’t have to fake it.  We made it together.

And now, the long-awaited pup is about to arrive on August 23^rd, 2019.  Mojo’s 3^rd and Voodoo’s 2^nd birthdays.  There’s a lot of good mojo and voodoo magic in that!  I still have mixed feelings about naming him after his Uncle Mojo.  I love it, but struggle when I want to talk and write about one or the other.  Yet, none of the variations we’ve tried feel right.  Perhaps it will happen naturally.

Three things are clear:

The first Mojo was, is, and will forever be, My Mojo.

Voodoo is the light of my life.

And the moment this little one snuggles into my lap for our ride home, the adorkable addition will work his magic, making it possible to love again. 

I can’t wait to start my adventures with Mojoe😊

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A life without play was not in her definition of Quality of Life.

I had said good bye to three dogs already.
In each case, there was little warning.
In each case, I have regrets about decisions made under duress.
                    In Nina’s case….I had time to think…..I had time to plan for the end.
                                 …..And I knew exactly what I wanted for her.

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I made the plans with love.
…..Sweetened by unexplained forces.
…..No doubt Klauser using his powers from above.

I prayed for a never-ending autumn.
Klaus kept the white stuff and cold temps at bay.
…Setting records into December.
…Pushing Mother Nature until Nina gave the word.

The time had come.
The Good Time hours overshadowed by their price.   …She told me she was ready.  With her eyes.  With her touch.  With her whispers.

The date was set for December 18th.
December 18, 2012:  The day I drove my dying Klaus Mouse home from Indiana.
….just wanting to be with his dad
…just wanting to be with his Nina.

I wanted Nina’s last night to be filled with play.
Yipping, yapping, and running with joy.
 …..Waking the neighbors with her shenanigans.

 I wanted Nina to know she didn’t have to be scared.
Crying in her mane as I told her she’d be seeing Klaus the next day.
He’d show her the way.
…..But instead of giving me the time of day,
…..She stole the ball, Dropped it for the “tease,” and Yipped in my face.

Nina wanted me to be happy.
Clearly telling me to knock it off.  “We’re playing here!”
…..We teased.  We tugged.  We chased.  We shared her infectious smiles.

I wanted Nina’s last breath to be on her futon…in her living room…surrounded by love.
Her vet came to our house – a favor offered without my asking.
…..Someone she trusted implicitly.
…..A mutual friendship built over the last three years of countless acupuncture visits, etc.

 I wanted Klaus to be there.
Pictures of the twins scattered on the floor.
…..His ashes nearby, still in a cardboard box…
Traveling by her side to the funeral home.
…..Returning home by her side in his matching urn.

 I wanted “Time in A Bottle” by Jim Croce playing during the preparations.
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Again, I would spend them with you.”
…..Nina relaxed.  At Peace.

I wanted “My Girl” by the Temptations playing just before the shots were given.
“I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day…What can make me feel this way?  My Girl.”
…..I cradled her body, listening quietly to her last breath and feeling her last heartbeat.

I wanted “Angel” by Sarah McLachlan to send her on her way.
“You’re in the arms of the angel.  May you find some comfort here.”

At her last breath…..
…..Bright sunshine broke through the cloudy skies.

 Blitz carefully sniffed everyone.
Slowing walking out of the room knowing the sad news.
…..He returned to her side as she was about to be carried out.
…..Saying his good-byes..

After she was gone, he sniffed the futon.
The smells telling him the story.
…..For the first time in his life, he lay in her spot.
…..And closed his eyes.

He kept it together until bedtime.
Nina wasn’t there.   He couldn’t be consoled.
…..So I gathered him into my arms.
…..And we curled up together on Nina’s spot.
…..Sleep finally arrived.

After the sun’s brief appearance with Nina’s passing…
          Overcast, dreary skies returned with our tears.
                    As the first smiles were shared in the telling of a Nina story….
                              The bright sunshine returned…..staying for the day.

                                         It really happened that way.  ..Intriguing…..Amazing.

I got everything I wanted for my Nina.
          The last gift to my beautiful girl.

She got everything she wanted for me.
          The last gift to her loving mama.

Neeners
July 28, 2002  to  December 18, 2015